Navel Gazing
Navel Gazing: (n.) The art of staring intently at one’s navel, delving with profound self-absorption into superficial self-worth, with intensity of a truffle pig sniffing out a rare delicacy, aspiring to an outcome no greater than liberating lint from said navel.
Em Dash (n.) ——
Em Dash (n.) — Artificial Intelligence’s emotional support punctuation, compulsively deployed with the enthusiasm of a toddler discovering bubble wrap. A long, horizontal gasp — used to inject suspense, exaggeration, or the illusion of depth into what was, moments ago, a perfectly normal sentence. It’s a digital appendage that shows up with the frequency of a caffeinated woodpecker clutching a thesaurus — and a theater minor — the punctuation mark equivalent of jazz hands. It transforms simple thoughts into breathless monologues, ensuring no idea is ever casually expressed — only stretched — dramatically — performatively — until nothing remains but a trail of overextended thoughts, lost, meandering forever into the void. It’s one part Shakespearean soliloquy, one part GPS having an existential crisis — turning mundane directions like “turn left” into cryptic prophecies: “turn… left?” “No… you turn… left.” “TURN. LEFT.” A single thought becomes a psychological thriller, stretched so far — and so often — that eventually it snaps. The sentence gives up — or you do.
See also: Write