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How to be a MAN

August 26th, 2009 Posted in Gender, Words

How to be a man… suave and debonair. Recommendations:

  • Instead of doing the dishes, use a CD spindle’s plastic cover as a cereal bowl.
  • Out of toilet paper? Wipe your rear with a pair of socks and toss ‘em.
  • Multitask: Eat sandwich and piss simultaneously.
  • Don’t vacume the carpet for a a year, then buy a rug to throw over the carpet.
  • Bathroom occupied? Kitchen sink!
  • Eat coldcuts directly from butcher bag.
  • Out of chips? Pick off chunks of uncooked ramen noodles.
  • Out of toilet paper? Find a phone book.
  • No mop to clean up spilled beer? Find a cat.
  • Leave huge bag of cat food on its side; cat will feed itself.
  • Screw mops. Drop paper towel and push it around with your foot.
  • Drink a screwdriver out of your dog bowl. (You don’t have a dog, right?)
  • Dinner time: cupcakes, beer.
  • Leave the toilet paper on top of the spinner and old empty tube.
  • Mix drinks in Costco-sized Tylenol bottles.
  • Let the cat vomit dry on the carpet, then scrape it loose with a shoe. (You don’t have a cat, right?)
  • Urinate outside or in a cup because the door to the backyard is closer than the bathroom.
  • Use old grocery bags as trash bags.
  • Use chopsticks to eat Cheetos so you won’t get orange fingers.
  • Never unload the dishwasher. Remove dishes until its empty. Then load it back up.
  • Buy epic tub of cookie dough, plop it on a cake pan. Bake a super cookie.

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