How to be a MAN
How to be a man… suave and debonair. Recommendations:
- Instead of doing the dishes, use a CD spindle’s plastic cover as a cereal bowl.
- Out of toilet paper? Wipe your rear with a pair of socks and toss ‘em.
- Multitask: Eat sandwich and piss simultaneously.
- Don’t vacume the carpet for a a year, then buy a rug to throw over the carpet.
- Bathroom occupied? Kitchen sink!
- Eat coldcuts directly from butcher bag.
- Out of chips? Pick off chunks of uncooked ramen noodles.
- Out of toilet paper? Find a phone book.
- No mop to clean up spilled beer? Find a cat.
- Leave huge bag of cat food on its side; cat will feed itself.
- Screw mops. Drop paper towel and push it around with your foot.
- Drink a screwdriver out of your dog bowl. (You don’t have a dog, right?)
- Dinner time: cupcakes, beer.
- Leave the toilet paper on top of the spinner and old empty tube.
- Mix drinks in Costco-sized Tylenol bottles.
- Let the cat vomit dry on the carpet, then scrape it loose with a shoe. (You don’t have a cat, right?)
- Urinate outside or in a cup because the door to the backyard is closer than the bathroom.
- Use old grocery bags as trash bags.
- Use chopsticks to eat Cheetos so you won’t get orange fingers.
- Never unload the dishwasher. Remove dishes until its empty. Then load it back up.
- Buy epic tub of cookie dough, plop it on a cake pan. Bake a super cookie.
