Creative Studios - WORDS

Cybering Gone Wrong

2008-10-25T21:51:00.001-07:00

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm,
okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land
O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke
a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa
John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa
John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is
Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and
then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone...
and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook,
and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the
shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee
table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as
a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm
me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box
and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan
in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously
soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through
the front door....
DirtyKate: What the fuck?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate: F**k

------------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an s**t?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can
you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the
lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn
to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all
over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B**ch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

-------

Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
Bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the
Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Bloodninja: Don't f**k with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest
sorcerer of the lands.
Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes
into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts
DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil
army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments
and makes like it was cause of him.
Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
Bloodninja: Baby?

----------------

Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready
for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding
territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
loodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f**king charge
your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus
about to charge your ass.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol
of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine
remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on
my mighty horn.
Bloodninja: F**k am I hard now.

-------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f**k, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh s**t
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP
and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f((k up.
eminemBNJA: Oh s((t
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

------------

sweet17: Hi
Bloodninja: hello
Bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
Bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
Bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
Bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
Bloodninja: Don't f**king laugh at me!
Bloodninja: This s**t is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a f**king break
Bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
Bloodninja: It's kind of embarrasing.
Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are f**king sick.
Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
Bloodninja: Hurry up.
Bloodninja: Are you there?
Bloodninja: F**k you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
Bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A F**KING COP YOU A**HOLE!
Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
weet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.

loodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
Bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*

weet17: this isn't you.
Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!

weet17: You don't look like that.
Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.

loodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.

weet17: Go f**k yourself
Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture

loodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.

weet17: you hurt me.
Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you

Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: F((K YOU!!!
Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a F**KING A**HOLE!
weet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

weet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!

sweet17: I'm done with you
Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
Bloodninja: Wait a sec
Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.

loodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No

loodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
Bloodninja: You heard me.

loodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

loodninja: Well I'm not like most men.

loodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.

weet17: I'm afraid to
Bloodninja: Why?

weet17: cause
Bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see

weet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna
at me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

sweet17: I didn't say that
Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Bloodninja: Are you willing?

sweet17: What do you need me to do?
Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

loodninja: ok?
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.

weet17: this is retarded
Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure

loodninja: Ok. Here we go.
Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against
them
Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth c**t.

weet17: mmmm yeah
Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.

sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every
troke.
Bloodninja: I softly suck on your cl*t bringing it in and out
f my mouth.
Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

loodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid

loodninja: ...still limp
Bloodninja: Do it!

weet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your a**hole.
Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?

loodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.

weet17: YOURE A F**KING PYSCHO!!
Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Bloodninja: And turn you into a f**king candy apple...
Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: F**K YOU A**HOLE!!

loodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
Bloodninja: ...going limp again.
Bloodninja: Hello?

loodninja: Say it!

loodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

__________

ellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work
ut every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do
ou look like?

ellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses
nd I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also
earing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it
mells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and
andles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling.
My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling
ulge.

ellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off
lowly.

weetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my
arm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally
ips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

ellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts
re rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

ellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's
tuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the
lasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are
rect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
he clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all
er me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
reasts. They're neat!

weetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your
ar.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with
pit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

weetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

ellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop
t with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold!
eeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going
ll over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

weetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

weetheart: Can I help?

ellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
hrough the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

weetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

ellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
abinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
here's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing
ach other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It
urts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place
he glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across
he room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around
or the toilet. I lift the lid.

weetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush
andle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

ellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
our...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice.
I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another
econd! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

weetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner
all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
weetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear.
Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

ellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night
able. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture
rames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God!
ne of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing
t it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

-----------------------------

I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!

exyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look
ike?
I.F.: a Kodiac bear
SexyKarla17: ?

I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount
e
SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking
our soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach
I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near
SexyKarla17: huh?
I.F.: Bears get f**kin pumped when anyone is near their cubs

exkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off
our pants.
I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in
Honey now
SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over
y warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly
I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey
s coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you

.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you
SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look
p into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with
oney, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.

exyKarla17: what the f**k?
I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

-----------------------------------

I.F.: My s**t is hard you ready to jump aboard?

1hOttYeVe: oh yea im so wet right now
I.F.: Why you just shower?
1hOttYeVe: no im wet for you

I.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid?
r that gator s**t you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool
t the end of it.
1hOttYeVe: What the f**k are you talking about?
ou wanna cyber or not?
I.F.: I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then
ou say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...
I.F.: Im sorry lets continue!
1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and
hest

.F.: I pop like 16 boners

hOttYeVe: what the f**k!
I.F.: what?

-------------------------------------

artner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit.
ou know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?

-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".

-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.

artner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.

artner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
artner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.

-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh s**t, I meant, your schlong! your
schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to
yber me, I only f**k women...
-Dogg: S**it just don't shoot me man, I wasn't
erious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!

artner6: You dips**t.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...

-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

---------------------------------------

-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.

artner8: Who the f**k are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: F**k me, F**k me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last
orever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?

J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the
op of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?

-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of
hemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must
taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak
t you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

Te salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.

rtner8: that was never a haiku.

-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my
ight you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"

-Dogg: So you ready to f**k then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear,
nd your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.

------------------------

Jdogg: Hey

QT-Pie: Hey
Jdogg: whats goin on
QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you?

dogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie: what does that mean?

dogg: what are you wearing?
QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans.

dogg: Garter belt?

QT-Pie: Ummm...no.
Jdogg: Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your p*ssy stink from
ere.

T-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the
oom. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg: You leave everything to Jdogg.
Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little
lay.
QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go.

Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

Galactic Gargle Blaster

2008-10-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

To make a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster using Terran ingredients:

Take the liquid contained in a 200 ml bottle of EverClear to remind you that your head will be clear forever if you drink too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, and that your brain will clear of anything soon after you start drinking some, if not before.

Into it, slowly pour a 750 ml bottle of Bombay Sapphire to remind you of the marvelous beauty of the old Santraginean seas, or an equal amount of Jeremiah Weed in acknowledgement of what has happened to the Santraginean Seas and their lifeforms.

Now add 750 ml of Cold Wild Turkey, letting it run into the mixture as we run through life to remind us of all the lifeforms we meet and experience while hitchhiking through the galaxy.

Speedily stirring, add 375 ml of Herradua Tequila, mixing it in to commemorate the galactic hitchhikers who died of pleasure among the vapors and gasses in the marshes of Fallia.

Over the bowl of a silver spoon, let flow 1 liter of rum in memory of the waterfalls and their glorious rainbows encountered on your journeys through the galaxy of life.

Next, drop in the worm found in a bottle of Musquil, watching it dissolve into the mixture. If the bottom falls out and the worm survives, drink at your own risk.

Finally, sprinkle into the mixture some Gatorade to commemorate the lifeforms which have vanished and are becoming extinct, both sentient and non-sentient, especially those most in need of aid.
If this many Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters are too many for the number of people you think you are, mix together the following amounts of ingredients as described above for a single serving.

1 oz. EverClear
4 oz. Bombay Sapphire or Jeremiah Weed
4 oz. Cold Wild Turkey
2 oz. Herredura Tequila
5 oz. Rum
1 worm from bottle of Mezcla
2 oz. Gatorade

This makes one approximately 18 ounce Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. The reason this drink seems so large is that Zaphod Beeblebrox has two heads, so when he created it, it came out to 9 ounces per head, so both were happy.

Before drinking, eat one olive to create a sweetness in it which is not there.

Drink very, very extremely carefully at your own risk, and remember where your towel is (if you can).

Wife Arrested Murdering Avatar

2008-10-25T19:06:00.000-07:00

Divorce Wars: Woman Kills Hubby's Avatar
(c) MMVIII, The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.

(AP) A 43-year-old Japanese piano teacher's sudden divorce from her online husband in a virtual game world made her so angry that she logged on and killed his digital persona, police said Thursday.

The woman, who has been jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his identification and password to log onto popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in mid-May, a police official in northern Sapporo City said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy.

"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations.

The woman had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.

She has not yet been formally charged, but if convicted could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.

As in "Second Life" in the U.S., players in "Maple Story" raise and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting against monsters and other obstacles.

The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead.

The woman was arrested Wednesday and was taken across the country, traveling 620 miles from her home in southern Miyazaki to be detained in Sappporo, where the man lives, the official said.

The police official said he did not know if she was married in the real world.

In recent years, virtual lives have had consequences in the real world. In August, a woman was charged in Delaware with plotting the real-life abduction of a boyfriend she met through "Second Life."

In Tokyo, police arrested a 16-year-old boy on charges of swindling virtual currency worth $360,000 in an interactive role playing game by manipulating another player's portfolio using a stolen ID and password.

Virtual games are popular in Japan, and "Second Life" has drawn a fair number of Japanese participants. They rank third by nationality among users, after Americans and Brazilians.

Poison the Homeless

2008-10-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

4 men poisoned in Thompson, Man., an isolated incident: RCMP
(c) CBC News

The case of four homeless men in Thompson, Man., who were hospitalized after drinking an unknown liquid is not a sign that the city's homeless population is being intentionally targeted, RCMP said Friday.

Each man became ill after drinking an unidentified substance in a liquor bottle earlier this week. The bottle of clear fluid was found in a hotel room by one of the men, who then shared it with a group of friends.

Three of the men were taken to hospital immediately, while a fourth was later tracked down and given medical attention. All of the men who were treated in hospital have since been released.

"This little clear Alberta Springs vodka bottle was basically empty by the time I got to it, but I smelled it and it definitely smelled like paint thinner," said Davina Maier, spokeswoman for the city's homeless shelter.

"They had definitely ingested a solvent and not alcohol. I witnessed one having chest pains and the other having trouble breathing."

Maier said three bottles containing a similar liquid have been found in the northern Manitoba city, leading her to conclude that someone is targeting the city's homeless population.

"These bottles are being, like, placed around the downtown area," she said.

Police said that reports of bottles of solvents being left lying around for homeless people, however, are just rumours and that this was an isolated incident.

They say there is no reason to believe anybody is targeting homeless people in that community.

Nonetheless, officials have posted signs warning people about the danger. RCMP said they are investigating.

Excessive drinking is a widely acknowledged issue in the city of 13,000, located about 650 kilometres north of Winnipeg.

Earlier this year, the Manitoba Liquor Control Commission introduced restrictions on the amount of liquor customers can buy in Thompson in an attempt to control excessive drinking and bootlegging.

The problem is so bad, the Thompson Chamber of Commerce has in the past organized annual spring sherry-bottle collection drives to deal with the mess left behind by drinkers. In a typical drive, citizens picked up and returned 16,000 bottles for the five-cent-per-bottle refund.

Small Genitals Defense

2007-11-29T21:07:00.001-08:00

Flasher's 'inadequacy' plea fails. A man convicted of being a serial flasher told a court he could not be guilty as his genitals were too small.

Michael Carney, 41, claimed he was too embarrassed about the size of his manhood to expose himself to women and showed the court photographs as proof.

But the jury at Teesside Crown Court convicted the father-of-two, of Stockton, Teesside of seven counts of outraging public decency.

The jury was then told he was earlier found guilty of five sexual assaults.

'Smaller than average'

Carney, of Fleetham Grove, will be sentenced for the flashing and sex assaults next year.

During the three-day trial the defendant told the court: "It causes embarrassment to myself, even to the point where it is with my wife. I wouldn't want myself to be seen in public like that.

"My genitalia are underdeveloped and it is so much smaller than average."

He showed the jury photographs taken by his wife to prove his claims.

Jail 'likely'

But the jury convicted him of flashing in front of six different women over a number of years.

The court heard that on most occasions, he exposed himself to passers-by while standing naked in the front window of his home.

But he was also spotted naked on the driveway of his home.

The court also heard he had already been convicted of sexually assaulting five females in his local area while out jogging.

Judge Brian Forster told Carney he was likely to receive a jail sentence, before granting the quality inspector for a plastics firm bail.

Swallowing Foil

2007-11-21T21:35:00.000-08:00

Well, I was eating a cake my Mom saved for me. It was wrapped in aluminum foil. Somehow I managed to swallow a small piece of foil along with the cake. The piece was a bit smaller than a dime. Is this something I should be concerned about? Like call a doctor? Even if I did, what would they do?

You're going to die. Aluminium foil, when it makes contact with your stomach acids starts a chemical reaction, which creates a gas which expands, pressing your stomach until it explodes. You should be at the hospital now. I think it's too late.

Damn dude, are you serious?

Drink a few bottles of ipecac.

Fuck, I didn't know it was that serious. I'm going to go call a doctor up right now.

I'd rush cause seriously your urine will TURN aluminum colored.

Do you think a free clinic would see me as an emergency? I don't have any money right now. And I would drink some Ipecac but I don't have any right now. What would the doctors do to remove the foil?

Yeah it's an emergency. You need to get down there as quick as possible. The doctors would probably pump your stomach. It has to be surgically removed because it combines with the lining of your stomach. The only way to get it out is by cutting open your stomach and removing it with a scalpel. If it's in your intestines already, surgery is typically fatal.

Fuck, I'm really freaked out now. I'm seriously panicking. I didn't know such a small piece would cause so much trouble. God damnit. Fuck, I don't want to die. I have a fear of vomiting (I haven't done it in 10 years) but I just looked up stomach pumping and that is like forced vomiting. I'm going to call a few places right now and hopefully it hasn't fucked me up yet. Well I ate it an hour ago so I'm guessing it's already in my intestines. Fuck! This is some scary shit. I'm going to have my Dad take me up there in a hour when he wakes up for work. I'm going to go in as an emergency though I haven't called yet. I hope it's not already in my intestines so they can pump it out. If it is already in there then I'll have to get surgery, fuck. Never in my life would I have known swallowing a small piece of foil could really screw me over like this. It's ironic how shit happens. I've taken so many beatings and been through so much shit and now a fucking piece of foil screws me over.

Well if you survive this, you can always try to sue to foil companies for not putting "do not ingest" warnings on the boxes.

I'm going to the doctor in an hour so I will let you guys know how it went. Thankfully I have a hospital like five minutes away from here. I'm just going to let them do whatever they need to do to get it out and hopefully I won't be screwed but if I am, I'll just have to deal with it as they come. I mean, it's ironic that when my life finally starts going good I eat a fucking piece of foil and it all goes to hell. Fuck life.

Be strong man, it'll be okay.

200 Orgasms Daily

2007-11-14T21:16:00.000-08:00

By Matthew Acton

PRETTY Sarah Carmen is a 200-a-day orgasm girl who gets good, good, GOOD vibrations from almost anything.

The rumble of a train on the tracks, the purr of a hairdryer, the rhythmic drone of a photo-copier are all enough to make her go oh oh oh, ahhhhh.

She had FIVE orgasms during our 40-minute interview. But I can't take the credit—it was just talking about her sex life that set her off.

Sarah, 24, suffers from Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS), which increases blood flow to the sex organs.

She said: "Sometimes I have so much sex to try to calm myself down I get bored of it. And men I sleep with don't seem to make as much effort because I climax so easily."

As she chatted, Sarah became increasingly flustered.

"Sorry, you'll have to excuse me for a minute. I'll be with you in a sec," she mumbled before letting out a long sigh.

Sarah, from London, developed PSAS after being prescribed anti-depressants at 19.
Stunned

She believes her condition was brought on by the pills.

She said: "Within a few weeks I just began to get more and more aroused more and more of the time and I just kept having endless orgasms.

"It started off in bed where sex sessions would last for hours and my boyfriend would be stunned at how many times I would orgasm.

"Then it would happen after sex. I'd be thinking about what we'd done in bed and I'd start feeling a bit flushed, then I'd become aroused and climax.

"In six months I was having 150 orgasms a day—and it has been as many as 200."

She and her boyfriend split— and new partners struggle to keep up with her sex demands. "Often, I'll want to wear myself out by having as many orgasms as I can so they stop and I can get some peace," she said.

Sarah is a beautician and working in salons filled with whirring hairdryers and skincare gadgets can cause problems.

"If I start coughing and run to the loo, the girls know to fetch the client a magazine or a cup of tea," she said, adding, "Sometimes I'd like to just have a normal life."

All together now, aaaahhhhh!

We must fight for climax change
By Dr Hilary Jones

WOMEN who suffer PSAS constantly feel on the brink of the powerful and rhythmic muscular contractions that orgasms cause.

This condition is so rare that some experts have mocked it.

No scientific explanation has ever been provided, but it may be that some inflammation or infection in the pelvic area is stimulating clitoral nerves.

Some psychiatrists believe PSAS is simply a psychological symptom of some emotional crisis—it's like a broken heart expressing itself as genital sensitivity.

Either way, a woman with PSAS can be in mental and physical pain and really needs sympathetic medical help.

The more women like Sarah speak out, the more the medical profession will realise this is something they need to treat with sympathy and understanding.

Internet Exclusive Interview
By Matthew Acton

SARAH Carmen, 24, says the Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome that she suffers from can cause her to have orgasm at any time of day.

She explained: "Anything can set me off. Even the hairdryers cause funny pulsations through my body.

"As a skin care specialist I have to use tools which vibrate a lot of the time for micro-dermabrasion and they sometimes set me off.

"I find if I'm nervous I'm less likely to get over-excited. So sometimes I try to psyche myself up and worry to control my orgasms.

"Some of my regular customers know my problem. But with new clients it's hard to explain.

"I have been in the middle of a treatment and it's happened and I've had to carry on.

"I was doing a bikini wax and you have to really concentrate and keep your hands very still, and mine go a bit wobbly when I orgasm.

"I had to pretend I had cramp in my foot and just stood there wriggling around on the spot and stifling my moans until it was over."

Sarah's friends think she is the luckiest girl ever, although her family think her behaviour is sometimes slightly odd.

She said: "The best way to describe how I am when I am with my family and I have one of my 'moments' is that I behave like Sheila from Shameless.

"I just get a bid giddy and yelp out and try to control myself. I've never sat down and explained it to my mum and dad, it's just too weird.

"They just think I get a bit hyperactive round them.

"My friends think it's great. I have more orgasms in one day than most of them will probably have in a year.

"They say to me that they feel lucky if their boyfriend makes them have one orgasm-some days I have one every ten minutes."

It has proved to be a problem for Sarah in some relationships.

She said: "I dated one guy who was very selfish and he was that way in the bedroom too. He'd just lie back and expect me to please him.

"He just figured that because I could climax without him even having to touch me, he didn't need to do anything to please me.

"I just thought that was rude and inconsiderate. It didn't last very long with him."

She has also had embarrassing moments in public. Going to noisy bars and clubs is out of the question as the vibrations send her wild.

"We have to find nice quiet bars," she explained. "I have more orgasms if I have a drink as it relaxes me so I tend to drink very little now.

"It can be a bit embarrassing if I'm tipsy and guys who don't know me talk to me, because I find it harder to hide.

"The most embarrassing thing that has happened was when I answered a market research questionnaire and had an orgasm in front of the researcher.

"She knew what was happening and looked at me like I was a weirdo. I tried to explain that I couldn't help it, but I was blushing so much I had to walk away."

Sarah has even been to a Sex Addicts' Anonymous meeting in despair over her sex drive.

She said: "At first when the problem started I just wanted to have sex all the time, I thought I was a sex addict.

"But when I looked around the room and heard the stories other people told, about how desperate they were for sex, I realised I wasn't like them.

"With me, it was a means of releasing my orgasm, but now I know I don't have to have sex to do that."

Sarah has looked into the condition and believes it may have been triggered by her taking anti-depressants.

She said: "I've found studies that say that taking anti-depressants and then stopping has an effect on the sexual organs. That is the only thing that explains what happens to me.

"But I've heard of other girls who have the same problem and it just appears out of the blue. I've spoken to my doctor about it but she wasn't a great deal of help but that's mainly because there's very little known about it and no one yet knows how to cure it."

Thanks to her understanding friends and colleagues, Sarah feels like she can now live with PSAS.

She said: "I'm lucky because people around me are very kind and appreciate that sometimes this is a problem for me and it can be embarrassing.

"I need to concentrate on something sad or worrying when I talk to people and I don't want to get carried away."

During our 40-minute interview, Sarah told us she had five orgasms.

Years of dealing with the problem means that sometimes she can hide it quite well.

Her voice goes high pitched and she will lose her train of thought and have to stop talking completely for a few seconds. She says disguises this by coughing when she is in awkward situations.

"But it's also nice to have so much excitement every day! It's strange because it came from nowhere and I guess it could go away just as quickly, so I'm making the most of it while it lasts!"

TV Links Shut Down Owner Arrested

2007-10-19T20:04:00.003-07:00

The most popular video streaming, tv-links.co.uk, has been shut down by UK authorities. The owner was arrested. Of course, you can still access the Google Cache of tv-links.co.uk the site:

Here are some alternatives for you:
(Replacement Sites for tv-links.co.uk:)

http://alluc.org
http://alloftv.net/
http://quicksilverscreen.com/
http://joox.net/
http://nabolister.com/
http://www.vid2c.com/
http://videohybrid.com
http://www.eztvefnet.org/
http://www.familyguyx.net
http://www.southparkzone.com
http://tvunderground.org.ru/
http://www.freetvsearch.com
http://www.craftytv.com
http://www.tvlinkvault.com
http://www.freetvsearch.com/
http://www.surfthechannel.com/
http://www.ssupload.com/
http://www.videolemon.com
http://movies.nabolister.com
http://flickpeek.com
http://www.findtvlinks.com/
http://www.shoutwire.com/viewstory/90965/Watch_Any
http://www.joost.com/
http://www.ovguide.com/
http://www.watchtvsitcoms.com/simpsons.php
http://www15.alluc.org/alluc/
http://www.live-online-tv.com/
http://www.findago.com/series/
http://online-television.tv/
http://www.craftytv.com/
http://beeline.tv/
http://www.movies-on-demand.tv/
http://www.peekvid.com/
http://aknof.blogspot.com/2007/01/free-goodies-for
http://quicksilverscreen.com/
http://Alloftv.net
http://joox.net
http://quicksilverscreen.com/ipb/
http://www.videolemon.com
http://movies.nabolister.com
http://flickpeek.com
http://showstash.com
http://teevee4me.com
http://wheeya.com
http://emuduel.com
http://www.findago.com/series/

It's a sad day for streaming video fans everywhere as news has been reported that TVLinks has been shut down and the owner, a 26yo man from Chelteham in the UK, was arrested.

Though not hosting an actual content himself, and rather merely providing links to where particular titles can be found, he was nonetheless apparently charged for the "facilitation" of copyright infringement.

"Sites such as TV Links contribute to and profit from copyright infringement by identifying, posting, organizing, and indexing links to infringing content found on the internet that users can then view on demand by visiting these illegal sites," said a spokesman for Federation Against Copyright Theft (FACT) today.

What makes the charges so odd is that he was again, only providing LINKS to pirated content, and not actually hosting any such material. Can linking really be considered "facilitation?" If I link to TVLinks am I then a co-conspirator?

FACT goes on to revisit the same old diatribe about how piracy is stealing food from form the tables of people who work in the film industry, but with guys like Brad Pitt reportedly getting $20million bucks to make trash like "Babel" who's really robbing who? Couldn't Pitt be paid a little less, say $15 million, and leave that other 5 for the "starving" film crew? I guess not

"The theft and distribution of films harms the livelihoods of those working in the UK film industry and in ancillary industries, as well as damaging the economy," said FACT's director general Kieron Sharp.

What's even more surprising is that the move was part of an overall strategy to crack down on piracy, though all it does is target a middleman who tells you where to go. More importantly, will its demise really compel people to find content legally or to suddenly run down to their local cinema? I think not, and all it means, as is usually the case with piracy, is that people will just go elsewhere.

Either way R.I.P. TVLinks, it was nice while it lasted. Maybe once again we have a case where Sweden's the only answer.

Time Waster

2007-10-18T20:41:00.001-07:00

Steve's Handy-Dandy Time Waster! Simply type non-funky characters into the dynamic form field to have them displayed on the status module of a LaserJet 5. He used a neat little Perl script and wrote a simple PHP page that runs the Perl script, passing whatever's in the text box to a networked HP LaserJet 5. The webcam is an Ezonics EZ-Cam circa 1998, captured using a small webcam daemon for Linux.

Cockfighting Bust

2007-10-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

Cockfighting Bust Nets 5,000 Chickens
By Associated Press

SAN DIEGO - Authorities made what they called the largest cockfighting bust in U.S. history with the seizure of more than 5,000 roosters, hens and chicks from two training grounds, officials said.

Agents found 4,400 chickens Saturday at a 7-acre compound in the Otay Mesa industrial area of San Diego. More than 2,500 birds were seized at the same place six years ago in what was believed to be the nation's largest bust.

Hundreds more chickens were found this time at a second training ground nearby, officials said.

Other stings have resulted in more arrests but none have produced more birds, said John Goodwin, manager of animal fighting issues at The Humane Society of the United States, which deployed its own staff on the raid along with local and federal law enforcement agents.

"In terms of the number of animals seized, this is the biggest, hands down," he said Monday.

Fifty people were issued misdemeanor citations, punishable by up to one year in jail and a $5,000 fine, and ordered to answer to cockfighting charges in early December, said Paul Levikow, a spokesman for the San Diego County District Attorney's office. If the defendants have a history of animal cruelty, they may be charged with felonies.

Another 50 people are still being sought, authorities said.

About 80 percent of the birds seized have been euthanized, Levikow said.

The cockfighting operation was managed and patronized largely by Filipinos, and fights were staged in the San Diego area, Levikow said. Many birds were sent to the Philippines or Hawaii.

Radioactive Oatmeal

2007-10-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Settlement Reached in Suit Over Radioactive Oatmeal Experiment
(C) The New York Times

A group of former students who ate radioactive oatmeal as unwitting participants in a food experiment will share a $1.85 million settlement from Quaker Oats and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

More than 100 boys at the Fernald School in Waltham, Mass., were fed cereal containing radioactive iron and calcium in the 1940's and 1950's. The diet was part of an experiment to prove that the nutrients in Quaker oatmeal travel throughout the body.

Quaker and M.I.T. agreed last week to pay to settle the class-action lawsuit, which covers about 30 people. A hearing is scheduled for April 6 to make the settlement final.

Quaker Oats officials wanted to match the advertising claims of their competitor, Cream of Wheat, which is based on farina, said Alexander Bok, one lawyer for the plaintiffs.

The boys, many of whom were wards of the state and inaccurately classified as mentally retarded, joined the Fernald Science Club in the late 1940's and early 1950's.

A $60 million lawsuit was filed in Federal District Court here two years ago asserting that the children were tricked into joining the science club to participate in the experiments. The suit also asserts that some boys were exposed to more radiation than allowed under Federal limits.

M.I.T. said on Tuesday that the exposure to radiation was about equal to the natural background radiation people were exposed to from the environment every year. The university also noted that a state panel in 1994 determined that the students had suffered no significant health effects from the experiment.

The panel did say, however, that the students' civil rights had been violated.

Quaker Oats continues to deny that it played a large role in the experiments. The company donated the cereal and gave a ''small research grant'' to the university, said a Quaker spokesman, Mark Dollins.

Cheap Shell Accounts?

2007-10-14T10:35:00.001-07:00

[Mikes] hi
[`Socrates] hi
[Mikes] wanna buy shell accounts?
[Mikes] very cheap
[`Socrates] wanna buy porn?
[`Socrates] very naked
[t0tgiglz] lol
* Mikes has left #computers
[`Socrates] haha
[t0tgiglz] nice way t get a shell provider packeted
[`Socrates] i try my best
[righte] there is nothing worse than a cheap shell account

Rhymes With Orange

2007-10-11T21:38:00.000-07:00

Top 8 Phrases That Rhyme With "Orange"

8. Whore Syringe
7. Bore Infringe
6. Door Hinge
5. Floor Binge
4. Score Tinge
3. More Fringe
2. Sore Cringe
1. War Singe

Work From Home Spam

2007-10-11T20:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Ben,

Thank you for your email. We can offer your organization a high-influx of eager, entry-level home workers. In fact, we specialize in it.

We seek highly persistent companies with a desire to manipulate young poverty-stricken students by giving them mindless work for which they will no doubt be underpaid. Per your requirements, our workers have absolutely no experience.

The contact information of our workers will be delivered to you via email.

Our workers require:

- A guarantee of minimum wage

- A local slumlord with apartments priced accordingly

- Internet access for completing mindless tasks

-Valid email addresses to contact you when their paychecks are late

- Basic understanding of the work-life balance

Worker description:

- They have hands, most of which are movable.

- They have eyes with which they can target their hands

- They can abuse other local Internet companies, like Google AdWords.

- They can also click on your Ads to generate additional revenue for you

- Several are disabled. One requires his coffee funds be paid in advance by cashiers check.

You will not have to devote full time hours to spamming hundreds of thousands of students to find these works. Our workers can will be provided to you on time every time. We charge only a small percentage of our worker's revenue and guaruntee that three-percent of our earnings will be donated to charities supporting Darfur.

If you are interested in acquiring mindless drones for your scam, just reply to my email!

Best Regards,

Igor Van Wilkshire
Senior Executive Associate
of Strategic Human Resource
Deployment Services

===========

Dear Student,

We offer the opportunity for home workers to perform entry level assignments.

We seek self - motivated people with desire to work in the home typing and data entry field area. No experience is needed.

You will be instructed to process the information by selecting and entering it online.

Requirements:

-Basic computer and typing skills

-Ability to follow instructions

-Computer with Internet access

-Valid email address

-Basic Internet knowledge

Job description:

-Fill simple marketing forms

-PPC Data entry

-Ad submitters

-Web researchers

-Several other entry level positions

You will not have to devote full time hours. These assignments can be done on your time. They may be done in Internet cafes or where ever you can get Internet access. Average monthly earnings start at $1000 to $3000 or more.

If you are interested in making money using your computer at home or at school just reply to my email!

Bank Robbery Prank

2007-10-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

By JAYETTE BOLINSKI
STAFF WRITER

A routine trip to the bank to make a withdrawal became anything but for a New Jersey man in Springfield on Monday morning.

The man, who regularly banks with Chase, stopped by the branch at 200 S. Dirksen Parkway about 11:15 a.m., picked up a blank withdrawal slip from a kiosk, filled it out and went to the counter, where he handed the slip to the teller.

What he didn’t realize was that someone else — possibly a practical joker — had scribbled, "This is a stickup," on the back of the withdrawal slip he picked up.

Having been the victim of two past bank robberies, the teller handling his transaction decided not to take any chances and activated the holdup alarm, then stalled the man.

Outside, police descended on the bank parking lot and waited for the man to emerge from the building. Inside, he waited patiently for the teller to finish his transaction so he could leave.

"He didn’t do anything or say anything" to make the teller think he was there to rob the bank, Springfield deputy police chief Clay Dowis said.

The man, in his 50s, was nicely dressed, clean-cut and wearing dress pants and a blue button-down shirt. He didn’t try to hide his face in the bank, and he parked his car in the front lot.

Police eventually went in and apprehended him. However, they quickly realized what had happened and began sorting things out. They held the man for about 15 minutes total, five minutes of which were spent in handcuffs, and then released him.

"He was very understanding," Dowis said.

The man is working in Springfield as a contractual employee for one of the hospitals.

The bank was closed temporarily while police investigated the incident.

McDonalds Strip Search Hoax

2007-10-05T19:25:00.001-07:00

Jury gives $6.1M to woman in strip hoax
By BRUCE SCHREINER, Associated Press Writer

SHEPHERDSVILLE, Ky. - A jury awarded $6.1 million Friday to a woman who was forced to strip for a search in a McDonald's back office after someone called the restaurant posing as a police officer reporting a theft.
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Louise Ogborn, who was 18 during the 3 1/2-hour ordeal, was forced to undress and perform sexual acts with the boyfriend of a former assistant manager at the restaurant while the man was on the phone with the bogus caller, according to a surveillance video shown to jurors during the four-week trial.

Ogborn, now 21, sued McDonald's Corp., claiming the fast-food giant failed to warn her and other employees about the caller who already struck other McDonald's stores and other fast-food restaurants across the country. She sought $200 million in damages, but McDonald's argued the company was not responsible and was being sued because of its deep pockets.

The jury award $5 million in punitive damages and about $1.1 million in compensatory damages.

Juror Kay Parrish told reporters the amount awarded will enable Ogborn to "live well the rest of her life" and "put all this behind her."

A teary Ogborn hugged relatives after the verdict. She said she planned to use some of the money to attend law school.

"Louise has stood up for what happened to her and what McDonald's failed to do for three-and-a-half years, and this jury just vindicated her completely," said her attorney, Ann Oldfather.

McDonald's was evaluating whether to appeal the decision, a spokesman said.

"While we are disappointed with the verdict, we remain vigilant in our efforts to protect our employees and provide them with a safe and respectful workplace," said William Whitman, a spokesman for McDonald's USA.

The Associated Press generally does not identify victims of sexual abuse. Ogborn's name, however, has appeared in numerous newspaper and broadcast stories with her permission.

The caller to the Mount Washington restaurant impersonated a police officer when he gave a description of a young, female employee accused of stealing from a customer, the lawsuit said. According to testimony, Ogborn fit the description, and the caller instructed an employee to conduct the search.

Donna Summers, a former McDonald's assistant manager who also sued the fast-food chain, led the strip search at the direction of the caller. Summers and Kim Dockery, another assistant manager, were named as defendants in Ogborn's suit, but the jury ruled they did not have to pay any damages.

Oldfather said Summers and Dockery were duped by the caller.

"Everybody is still suffering because of this, and now maybe McDonald's will suffer a little bit in the pocketbook," Oldfather said.

In deciding compensatory damages, the jury placed half the blame on McDonald's and the other half on the unnamed caller.

A Florida man, David Stewart, was acquitted last year on charges of making the hoax call. Police have said the calls stopped after Stewart's arrest.

Summers was placed on probation for a misdemeanor conviction in the case. Her former fiance, Walter Nix Jr., is serving five years in prison for sexually abusing Ogborn during the ordeal.

Michael Jackson Caviar

2007-10-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

QUESTION: What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?

ANSWER: They both come on little white crackers.

Game Lobby Chat

2007-10-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

Jesse_71: MY DIETY CAN BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR DIETY!
Jesse_71: hahaha
Jed_84: :D
Beth_Jo_36: i have no diety
Cletus_74: JBNFUYEFH
Beth_Jo_36: my god is science
Jesse_71: well then you're screwed.
Jed_84: athiest
Jed_84: u want be saying that when ur dead :D
Jesse_71: science is beginning to prove things that the bible has already stated as fact.
Beth_Jo_36: SO I WILL FIGHT BRAIN WASHING AKA RELIGON
Beth_Lou_11: i like pie
Cletus_74: SUPPERCALAFRAGALISTIKASSPEALADOSIS
Jesse_71: religion isn't brainwashing.
Cletus_74: I LIKE PIE
Beth_Jo_36: yes it
Beth_Jo_36: is
Jed_84: hey i was doing that yesterday
Jesse_71: definitely not.
Beth_Lou_11: no i like pie
Jesse_71: pie is good.
Beth_Jo_36: you must do as they say or burn
esse_71: nooo...you can do as you will
Jed_84: supercalifrigalasticexpialidotious
Beth_Jo_36: that is the definition of brain washing
Cletus_74: WITCH GUY NEEDS GIRL
Jesse_71: but you'll be judged for it, yes.
Beth_Jo_36: no you must repent or u go to hell as some of u put it
Jed_84: the sound of this may sound quite atrocious
Wade_Lou_28: we can't say the f word
Beth_Lou_11: it's cool 2 luv jesus
Jed_84: we can say bitch tho
Beth_Jo_36: no its brainwashing
Bobby_Dale_7: poop
Rose_53: helo
Fanny_Lee_33: poo yay
Bobby_Ray_7: play me
Beth_Jo_36: to love a false savior
Wade_Lou_28: who F brought up F-EN religion?
Jesse_71: whatever.
Cletus_74: :(
Beth_Jo_36: there is no god
Jed_84: no god :'(
Fanny_Lee_33: nope inky blackness is all
Beth_Jo_36: reigon has a name: brain washing
Cletus_74: YOUR ALL MAD
Jed_84: :'(
Jed_84: but i was told there was a god
Wade_Lou_28: jed's upset there is no god..ha
Fanny_Lee_33: go darwin its ur birhday
Beth_Jo_36: YOU WERE TOLD SO U COULD BE CONTROLLED
Cletus_74: >
Suzy_89: TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!
Fanny_Lee_33: sup suzy?
Beth_Lou_11: =)
ed_84: my mom said santa was his helper
Cletus_74: : >
Suzy_89: NOTIN MUCH
Wade_Lou_28: Jed_84...u got a sn of some sort?
Beth_Jo_36: THEY SAY THAT U FOLLOW ORburnTHT U DO AS THE SAY
Ruthy_Mae_7: any girls that are 18 our older in here
Fanny_Lee_33: there got ur attention fix now shut up
Jed_84: she said thats why they r both on christmas
Ruthy_Mae_7: any girls that are 18 our older in here
Fanny_Lee_33: there got ur attention fix now shut up
Jed_84: she said thats why they r both on christmas
Suzy_89: WHAT ARE WE TALKIN' ABOUT
Beth_Jo_36: how that religon is a fake mass brainwashing
Cletus_74: IM 12 AND MY NAME IS ERIN
Jed_84: i got a computer in my room
Ruthy_Mae_7: how old are all the girls
Suzy_89: IM A GIRL IM 11
Rose_53: im 18
Wade_Lou_28: what the heck is coming to this world
Wade_Lou_28: Rose..you're a girl?
Wade_Lou_28: 18?
Ruthy_Mae_7: me to i just turned 18
Clarence_Earl_22: i'm 14
Bobby_Dale_7: see ya
HotPants_58: any girls with AIM?
Wade_Lou_28: hotpants is back
Wade_Lou_28: haha
Beth_Jo_36: RELIGON IS FALSE! REJECT FALSE BELIEFS!
Jed_84: how many bad things will happen today
HotPants_58: any ladies with AIM?
Beth_Jo_36: IM A BELIEVER.....OF SCIENCE
Wade_Lou_28: 1 million bad things
Suzy_89: no, seriously
Jed_84: first theres no god..and now no robot chiken
HotPants_58: any girls?
Rosco_72: yep here
Wade_Lou_28: no..all guys
Clarence_Earl_22: thats not funny
Jed_84: so whos a girl?
Fanny_Lee_33: eat that fat lou
Rosco_72: me
Beth_Jo_36: GOD IS A METHOD USED TO CONTROL THE PUBLIC! DO NOT BELIEVE THIS BRAINWASHING!
HotPants_58: rosco how old?
Rosco_72: 14
HotPants_58: do you have aim?
Suzy_89: suzy is a girl
Jed_84: ay proque, no puede ser!!
Wade_Lou_28: whoever's asking for a girl
Lazy_Lee_73: why the hell are you people asking whos a girl in a game lobby how lame
Loretta_5: you people should all find a corner and die in it.
Clarence_Earl_22: hi rosco my name is earl
Wade_Lou_28: do yourself
Wade_Lou_28: do yourself
Jed_84: cuz i like talking to girls.....
Wade_Lou_28: no girl is coming to your house
Fanny_Lee_33: watch out for paul hunt
Wade_Lou_28: and you're pathetic
Suzy_89: good for yu
Ruby_Ellen_5: catch preditor
HotPants_58: rosco do you have msn?
Beth_Jo_36: RELIGON IS ALL JUST LIES TO WARP AND CONTROL THE PUBLIC! REGECT FALSE BELIEFS!
HotPants_58: suzy how old r u?
Suzy_89: 11

Girl Stripped in Classroom

2007-10-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

Girl stripped for forgetting homework

From correspondents in New Delhi

September 30, 2007 06:52pm

A SEVEN-year-old girl was made to strip naked by her teacher in a New Delhi school for not completing her homework.

She was made to strip completely naked and stand on a desk in her class on Friday while other students were asked to boo her.

"The teacher was arrested on a complaint by the parents but she has been released as it was a bailable offence," Rajan Bhagat said.

"This is barbaric," Shanta Sinha, head of the National Commission for Protection of Child Rights, said in a newspaper report. "No one has the right to outrage the modesty of a child."

The commission had issued a directive this year barring schools from calling students "stupid" or "mindless".

A government study backed by the United Nations Children's Fund said earlier this year two-thirds of children in India are physically abused, mostly at home and in schools.

Japanese Transparent Frog

2007-09-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

No need for dissection as see-through frogs jump in
(C) Miwa Suzuki

TOKYO (AFP) - Japanese researchers have succeeded in producing see-through frogs, letting them observe organs, blood vessels and eggs under the skin without performing dissections.

"You can see through the skin how organs grow, how cancer starts and develops," said the lead researcher Masayuki Sumida, professor at the Institute for Amphibian Biology of state-run Hiroshima University.

"You can watch organs of the same frog over its entire life as you don't have to dissect it. The researcher can also observe how toxins affect bones, livers and other organs at lower costs," he told AFP.

Dissections have become increasingly controversial in much of the world, particularly in schools where animal rights activists have pressed for humane alternatives such as using computer simulations.

Sumida said his team, which announced the research last week at an academic conference, had created the first transparent four-legged creature, although some small fish are also see-through.

The researchers produced the creature from rare mutants of the Japanese brown frog, or Rena japonica, whose backs are usually ochre or brown.

Two kinds of recessive genes have been known to cause the frog to be pale.

Sumida's team crossed two frogs with recessive genes through artificial insemination and the offspring looked normal due to the presence of more powerful genes. But crossing the offspring led to a frog whose skin is transparent from the tadpole stage.

"You can see dramatic changes of organs when tadpoles mutate into frogs," said Sumida, whose team is seeking a patent.

Such frogs could theoretically exist in the wild but it is "virtually impossible" they would naturally inherit so many recessive genes, Sumida said.

The transparent frogs can also reproduce, with their offspring inheriting their parents' traits, but their grandchildren die shortly after birth.

"As they have two sets of recessive genes, something wrong must kick in and kill them," Sumida said.

While the researchers relied on artificial insemination, they said that genetic engineering could also produce transparent and even illuminating frogs.

Sumida said researchers could also inject into the transparent frogs an illuminating protein attached to a gene, which would light up the gene once it manifests -- for example, showing at what stage cancer starts.

Sumida said it would be unrealistic to apply the same method to mammals such as mice as their skin structure is different.

Instant Cure for Hiccups

2007-09-25T20:03:00.000-07:00

A simple, easy cure for hiccups...

Alright, so you've hiccups. You can't stop. While hiccups generally stop without intervention, we've got a fail-safe cure for you.

Hiccups are involuntary spasms of the diaphragm; typically hiccups repeat several times a minute. The sudden rush of air into the lungs causes the glottis to close, creating the "hic" noise.

Step 1: Inhale through your mouth until your lungs are full. Resist every urge to hiccup and inhale as quickly as possible. Do not exhale.

Step 2: Swallow. If your diaphragm spasms, try swallowinging again. Do not exhale.

Step 3: Still holding your breath, without exhaling, inhale again. Deep. Do not exhale. If air escapes through your nose, quickly pinch it off.

Step 4: Swallow again.

Step 5: Repeat steps three and four until you can no longer swallow. Once you're sure you can no longer swallow, force it one more time. Fight it! Do not exhale.

Step 6: Exhale.

The Chuck Norris Bridge

2007-09-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

If Hungarian voters have their way then Budapest could be the home for the first bridge in the world to be named after Chuck Norris, the high-kicking star of countless action movies.

The Ministry of Economy and Transport could well be kicking itself after the star become an early front runner in an online poll organised by the ministry to name a new bridge across the Danube.

Almost 9000 people have voted for the "Chuck Norris Bridge".

The name was suggested by somebody who said that it would be a good idea because "there is no such bridge in the world and Hungary would be the first".

Hundreds of nominations have been put forward, many of them less than serious.

In second place, only a few hundred votes behind Chuck, is Pato Pal.

Pato Pal was a character in a poem by Hungary's favourite poet Sandor Petoffi, and the name has become synonymous with people who do not want to spend money.

The wag that suggested Pato Pal said that "the name speaks for itself, because the bridge should have been built decades ago."

Szent Istvan, the founder of the Hungarian state, is languishing in ninth place with just over 2000 votes.

However, should Chuck Norris win the vote for the bridge, which is set to open in 2008, the ministry has a get out clause.

The top three names from the list will be added to suggestions from the local councils affected by the bridge, linguists and other experts and go before a government committee for consideration.

The poll closes on September 8.

DPA

Sex Aid Burglar

2007-09-23T17:12:00.000-07:00

A MAN who broke into his neighbour's home west of Brisbane and used her vacuum cleaner and a detergent bottle as sex aids has avoided jail.
Jamie Thomas Lacey, 27, was high on LSD and amphetamines when he broke into the house at Millmerran in September 2004.

He pleaded guilty today in the Brisbane District Court to burglary and wilful damage.

The court was told his neighbour returned home on September 29 to find her bathroom in a total state of disarray.

Crown prosecutor Julie Aylward told the court pornographic magazines and clothes were strewn around the room, and that a makeshift sex aid constructed from a Toilet Duck bottle, a piece of wood and a latex glove had also been left behind.

The woman's vacuum cleaner had also been left in the bathroom.

Lacey's defence barrister, Shaun Gordon, argued there was no proof his client had used the vacuum cleaner as a sex aid, but Judge Tony Rafter said it was unlikely it had been used for cleaning.

"I'm sure that your client didn't hoover the carpets,'' he said.

Police attended Lacey's house just days after the incident was reported.

During the search police uncovered a black carry bag filled with condoms, gloves, creams and a tapered wooden stick.

Lacey told police it was his "masturbation bag'', but denied any knowledge of the burglary.

He was arrested in December 2006 after police finally matched his DNA to that found on the latex glove attached to the Toilet Duck bottle.

He later told police he had vague recollections of the offence, but said his memory was jumbled as he had been a heavy drug user at the time.

Mr Gordon told the court his client had since cleaned up his life and that he was now the father of a seven-month-old child.

He told the court his client had held down a good job at Kilcoy Pastoral Company for two years, and Judge Rafter agreed it would be counter-productive to send him to jail.

Judge Rafter sentenced him to 12 months' jail, which he ordered to be served in the community as an Intensive Correction Order.

(C) Christine Flatley - September 19, 2007 -

Man Digs His Own Grave

2007-09-23T17:11:00.001-07:00

Two sons of a Gold Coast multi-millionaire forced a 19-year-old man to dig his own grave, taunted him with a gun, and then shot him in the hand after being left out of pocket in a failed drug deal, a court has heard.

Jade Michael Lacey, 24, and Dionne Matthew Lacey, 20, are facing a string of charges, including attempted murder and torture over their alleged treatment of Owen Matthews in April this year.

Matthews provided an emotional account of his alleged ordeal to a committal hearing in Southport Magistrates Court.

However, his testimony only went ahead after a screen was placed in front of the accused's father, milk millionaire Ken Lacey, because of Matthews' claims Lacey snr was intimidating him by giving him "death stares" during the previous day's proceedings.

Matthews told the court the Laceys abducted him at gunpoint, and took him to an isolated location on South Stradbroke Island, off the Gold Coast, after blaming him for the loss of 500 ecstasy pills allegedly stolen during a drug exchange.

He said they travelled to the island by boat on the night of April 21, after allegedly leaving from the brothers' unit in the plush waterfront suburb of Ephram Island.

The 19-year-old was so fearful he would be killed he snapped apart his Medicare card in his pocket and dropped a piece on the shore so he could be identified later.

Matthews told the court the brothers led him inland a short distance, before Dionne Lacey disappeared briefly before returning with two shovels and instructing him to dig his own grave.

Once the hole was dug, he said he was told to kneel in the grave with his hands behind his head.

"I started to cry and I prayed to myself for my life," he said.

At that point, he said, he felt a sharp blow to the side of his head and fell backwards, before Jade held the gun about 40cm from his head and pulled the trigger three times.

When no bullets were fired, he said Dionne Lacey remarked: "Looks like an angel kissed you on the dick."

Mr Matthews said the brothers then told him he owed them $50,000, and that they were going to shoot him to show him how serious they were.

He said Jade instructed him to hold out his left hand and fired a shot through it.

Afterwards, he said, he was taken back to the Laceys' unit, where he was imprisoned in the laundry for several days while the Laceys contemplated ways for him to get the money. Eventually they released him to a drug associate.

The court was told Matthews made a complaint to police after hearing news the brothers were wanted for the alleged murder of 23-year-old labourer Kevin Palmer at Nerang on May 6.

The hearing was adjourned until a date to be set, likely to be later this year.

©AAP 2007

Man Urinates on ill Woman

2007-09-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

A Hartlepool man is facing jail after he urinated on a disabled woman who lay dying in the street.

The 27-year-old shouted "this is YouTube material" as he degraded Christine Lakinski, 50, who had fallen ill, magistrates heard.

Miss Lakinski, who suffered a number of medical conditions, died from natural causes, an inquest found.

Anthony Anderson, of Raby Road, who admitted outraging public decency, will be sentenced at Teesside Crown Court.

Hartlepool magistrates heard how, on 27 July, Miss Lakinski was making her way home with a box of laminate flooring when she fell ill and stumbled into a doorway.

Anderson had smoked a cannabis joint and been drinking when he and two friends spotted her.

He tried to rouse her by throwing a bucket of water over her, before urinating on her and covering her with shaving foam. The incident was filmed on a mobile phone.

She was later declared dead at the scene, the cause of death being given as pancreatic failure.

Lynne Dalton, prosecuting, said: "Although his actions did not contribute to her death it was appalling behaviour that robbed her of any dignity in the last hours of her life."

She urged magistrates to transfer the case to crown court for sentencing, claiming their maximum powers were insufficient.

Anderson's solicitor did not oppose the application and his client will be sentenced at Teesside Crown Court on 22 October.

After Wednesday's hearing, Miss Lakinski's brother, Mark, said: "We will await the outcome and just hope he gets what he deserves."

Copyright (C) BBC News