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Ainít nothing (not) going on
by Michael Giardina

So, I am clearly back in the city of Davis. I knew I had crossed the threshold when I passed the "Davis City Limits" sign while four preppy white males bumping 50 Cent in their dilapidated grey Chevrolet Chevette decided to flip me off in perfect unison. Thanks, guys; I have five fingers, too.

You see, I had become accustomed to my familiar San Jose "spring break" home, where I peruse antique stores for vintage fencing equipment and dodge 75-year-old saleswomen who think I am trying to pocket their precious WWII (broken) watches.

So what's the point? Right here, right now, I am making a spring-quarter resolution. I promise the student body that, for the next quarter, I will never say, "Damn! There is just nothing to do in Davis." I'm so sick of hearing that. Either fix the problem or stop whining.

The equation is simple: You'll love where you live if you find happiness in your actions.

Sure, I found plenty of joy watching Larry King debate whether or not Terri Schiavo should have her feeding tube removed. I hadn't been that excited since Gary Brolsma performed his uncanny interpretative webcam dance of "Dragostea Din Tei," known worldwide as the "Numa Numa" Dance.

The key to happiness is creation. Create something artistic; invent something useful; work on a project that has an end product. In order to destroy the overused cliche that "there is nothing to do in Davis," here is a list of recommendations to help revive Davis' dying image.

Slam poetry: Davis needs a slam poetry venue. For those of you not familiar with the event, a slam poetry competition is a unique mixing of rap and poetry. Most poets would argue, however, that slam poetry is really a mixing of poetry and what rap was before "shizzle."

Vocalists compete onstage, delivering their artistic creations in a fast-paced presentation of verbal prowess. If you are interested in hearing some slam poetry, look up Sage Francis or Saul Williams on the Internet.

Comedy: Everyone considers themselves to be witty and creative. Well, it's time to prove it. Davis needs a stand-up comedy club, where students, professors and faculty are invited to shed their inhibitions, wander up to the microphone with a bottle of Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor and wow the city with a whirlwind of comedy. If there are prizes involved, I have my bet on either Rob Roy or Larry Vanderhoef.

Painted music: One night at Delta of Venus, Davis musicians played live music while Davis artists painted to the grooves. Since then, my roommates have covered our garage in drywall to mimic this wonderful environment. Needless to say, this small house on Old Fogy Street is too vulnerable to noise violations. Let's step it up.

Utilizing Chem 194: The only club in Davis that has come close to filling this monster is Robotmedia. This club shows an eclectic variety of student-submitted films twice a quarter in one of the campus' largest lecture halls. The number of attendees is astounding.

Simply put, this building has the potential to help all of my ideas come to fruition. Need a location for a comedy night? Reserve Chem 194. How about a slam poetry show? Just book the building. It shouldn't be that difficult; but we need a few dedicated souls to step up to the plate and create these new entertainment venues for Davis students.

Granted, we could simply stagnate. It's pretty easy to watch an entire episode of "The Bachelor" while smoking completely legal herbal blends in a completely legal water pipe.

We could simply watch "Larry King Live" until our rear ends go numb. It's an easy choice to make; but if you take this path, don't tell me there's nothing to do in Davis. There's plenty to do or there's plenty things that can be created.