Opinion Columns > Abstract Poetry > Contact Us > Michael Giardina > Home

Explosive Journalism - Opinion Columns by Michael Giardina

             Hilarious articles, funny columns, blatant journo-scolding.

Download This!
by Michael Giardina

Lock your doors, board up your windows, and hide. The entertainment industries are lurking in the bushes, watching you with secret spy cams. You might regret your acquisition of a free copy of Britney Spears' new song, but now you're on their list. There's no hope left for you. I never knew you.

The Record Industry Association of America and the Motion Picture Association of America want consumers to believe that, when they go broke, music and movies will cease to exist. They want you to believe that, if they go broke, you will have nothing to do but sit on a stump and suck your thumb.

Unfortunately for them, the arts are eternal.

Who cares if students like to share files? Honestly, the entertainment industries have a much bigger problem on their hands: their love to contract artists with no talent. This becomes very clear when their pop hits involve women singing about ice cream as a metaphor for prostitution. I don't know about you, but when I hear that one, I can barely contain my candy cane.

I have to admit, though, that when these companies fall to the ground, there will be some wonderful artistic creations that I will miss. For example, I will be quite sad knowing that Eminem will fade from the music scene. I will miss his breathtaking lyrics, where he romanticizes his enduring love with innovative words that rhyme with 'duck' and 'punt.' We will also miss his clear and concise expressions of anger, "I hope you go to hell" and "I hope you die."

Oh, and I'm also going to miss that wonderful movie, How High, that my roommates and I watch every single night of the week. I will miss that delightful social atmosphere: everyone, together, focused on the television, giggling with three empty bags of Cheetos.

Of course, this movie shouldn't be confused with considerably more impressive creations like Friday. Wait, I mean Next Friday. Maybe I mean Friday After Next. Either way, I'll be reminiscing for years to come.

So, before our beloved entertainment industries are finally beat by file-sharers across the nation, you better find a way to occupy your time. Don't resolve yourself to sitting on a stump and sucking your thumb; get out there and see what the world has to offer.

If you need music, try searching the Internet for independent artists. There are millions of talented people who give their music away for free, trying to inspire people and elicit change.

If you're not satisfied with what you find, make your own music. I highly recommend trying electronic music production. Download a free software program called "Jeskola Buzz" and you will have hundreds of thousands of instruments at your disposal.

If you feel like seeing a show, see what is happening around campus. Robotmedia, a Davis club, hosts video showcases all throughout the year, where they show tons of short videos made by Davis students. Similarly, a spoken-word poetry group, Ill-Literacy, puts on incredible shows. Their recent performance with "8th Wonder" was better than any movie or album I've experienced in months.

If file-sharing destroys the entertainment industries, so be it. I'm excited for the day when an artist's success is directly proportional to his talent and the amount of inspiration he evokes from his audience.

We used to need these large companies; we used to depend on them for distribution. These days, however, audiovisual equipment is widely available and the Internet allows anyone to share their art with the rest of the world in seconds. It'll be okay, I promise.