• Being appreciated.
• Looking outside.
• Hot showers.
• Stocks rising
• Hitting a series of freshly-switched green lights.
• Acoustic jam sessions on warm summer nights.
• Drum circles on the beach.
• Home cooking.
• Dogs elated to see you.
• Seeing the UPS/FedEx guy pull up to your door.
• Start car and watch gas gauge needle rise past full.
• Smile from a beautiful stranger.
• Car indicator lights syncing up at traffic lights.
• Car brake lights that look like funny faces.
• Strangers making jokes to, or helping, other strangers.
• When cats come to sit on my lap.
• Seeing babies smile and laugh.
• Bike riding on a nice day.
• Cuite, friendly squirrels.
• Fresh slices of key lime pie.
• Air conditioning.
• Filet mignon.
• Thunderstorms.
• Rooftop gardens.
• Open mic night.
• The first cup of coffee in the morning.
• Eating delicious food.
• Beautiful hardcover notebooks.
• Taking pictures in photobooths.
• Finding new keyboard shortcuts.
• A well-made latte.
• Thai iced tea/coffee.
• Lightning storms and rain.
• Good wine with a delicious meal.
• Laying on a field.
• Wind chill and fog.
• Solitary train journey.
• Drop something important but quickly snatch it out of the air.
• The feeling after a good workout.
• Popping bubble wrap.
• Dipping freezing hands into warm water.
• Cuddling with warm laundry.
• good back scratchers.
• Making it to the top of a big hill.

A series of ups and downs.

Birth–series of meaningless events–death.

Started badly, but improving over time.

Seen too much, waiting to die.

Who? What? When? Where? and WHY?

Hurry up, get anxious, wait forever.

Thought i was wrong; was right.

Bipolar, unmotivated, going nowhere really fast.

Slowly searching; destruction of self… imminent.

Trust God, clean house, help others.

Gell in love, felt like crap.

Destroy your fears; heaven right here.

Humiliation, contempt, disgust, fear, loathing, compassion.

Get money, get paid, then die.

Sing in shower. Dance in bed.

Everything has already been thought of.

If you could see emotion. Wow.

Why do they make this necessary?

I don’t have much to do.

Lost and found; a lonely crowd.

Hoping yesterday comes back to stay.

Who am I? Who are you?

Life’s a bitch, then you die.

In retrospect, that wasn’t so bad.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn

Wasn’t productive today. Had fun, though.

Too much time on my hands.

I need to get out more.

Want more. Do more. Be more.

My mom-and-dad’s condom broke.

Lots of promise, so little delivered.

Wrote something accurate; now I’m sad.

I really should stop, it hurts.

In China the kites have beards.

If I had a grappling hook…

Why is the world like this?

Not sure if I am indecisive.

Pinned and wriggling on the wall.

I am moving towards the grave.

But how does that actually work?

Must stop wasting time on that.

I need to sleep. Bye, bye.

GET OFF THE COMPUTER; DO WORK

Quake 3

Civilization 2

Portal

Half Life

Halo: Combat Evolved

Heroes of Might and Magic III

Grim Fandango

Unreal Tournament

Doom

StarCraft / 2

CS:S

EQ2

Rainbow Six Rogue Spear

Baldur’s Gate

Battlefield 2

Natural Selection 2

Fallout2

Warcraft III

Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds Saga

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Daggerfall

Morrowind: The Elder Scrolls III

Battle chess

angband

Fallout 3

Oblivion

battle toads

cyber empires

contraption zack

Sierra’s Hero’s Quest: So You Want to be a Hero

Baulder’s Gate

Plainscape: Torment

Sins of a Soler Empire

Diablo

World of Warcraft

Final Fantasy VII

Final Fntasy X

Earth 2150: The Moon Project

NARC

Bioshock

Deus Ex

Wizardry VII

Chrono Trigger

Gothic 2

Grand Theft Auto – San Andreas

Modern Warfare

Shattered Galaxy

Quest 64

Mass Effect

medal of honor allied assault

System Shock 2

Mafia

Kingpin

Battlefield 2

Descent

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Shadow of Chernobyl

X-com

Icy Tower

Plants vs Zombies

World of Goo

Command and Conquer Red Alert

Duke Nukem 3D

Alien Vs. Predator 2

No One Lives Forever

Left 4 Dead

Thief 3: Deadly Shadows

Doom 2

Wolfenstein 3D

Age of Empires 2

Torment

Spore

Black and White

Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time

Minesweeper

Solitaire

Risk Your Life

Oregon Trail

Call of Duty

Sim City

Earthworm Jim

The Sims

Redneck Rampage

Jazz Jackrabbit

Crysis

F.E.A.R. 1/2

The Hugo Trilogy

zork!

Alphie

Armatron

Creepy Crawlers

Cross Fire

Domino Rally

Easy Bake Oven

Evil Knievel Stunt Cycle

Exo Squad

Gak

Giga Pets

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Kitty Surprise

Laser Tag

Lego Land

Lincoln Logs

Little Tykes

Mega Force

Might Max Blasts Magnus

Moon Shoes

Mouse Trap

My Little Pony

Nerf Bow

Operation

Power Glove

Power Wheels

Robie Robot

Roller Racer

Speak And Spell

Star Wars Millennium Falcon

Stretch Armstrong

Super Soaker 500

Teddy Ruxpin

zbots

Buy this album

Dananananaykroyd

Buy this album

hoobastank

Buy this album

Buy this album

My Bloody Valentine

Buy this album

Puddle of Mudd

Buy this album

Butthole Surfers

Buy this album

BrokeNCYDE

Buy this album

Transister

Buy this album

Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her

Buy this album

Suburban Kids with Biblical Names

Buy this album

Iwrestledabearonce

Buy this album

And our runner ups for the worst band names?

• Black Kids
• The Toxic Avenger
• The Hoodies
• Frozen Semen
• Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
• NSYNC
• 3OH!3
• Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly
• Backstreet Boys
• You Say Party! We Say Die!
• Kissy Face Fashion Faux Pause
• Death Cab For Cutie
• Chumbawumba

… submit your own in the comments below.

• Complaining that we’re out of ___insert product here___ is not going to magically create more that we can sell to you.
• No, I am not going to fix your computer (for free). No, I am not going to design your website (for free), ( noteven if you promise to put my name on the bottom).
• There is a little bell that rings when you drive up through the drive-through at the pharmacy. You don’t need to immediately push the Call Button. We know you’re there.
• You’re fat…please don’t buy that spandex. Stop eating so much crap if you are already fat and concerned with your image. LOSE SOME WEIGHT.
• Tell your husband/wife to shut when you call me at customer service. I can only deal with one livid customer at a time.
• Just because you mumbled, ‘Good Luck Everybody Else’ doesn’t mean you can swerve across 5 lanes of traffic to make that oh-so-important left turn that you should have prepared for three blocks ago.
• Stop expecting me to play charades with your dumb ass since you are too lazy to learn English after moving from Puerto Rico to New England. I am not a caveman, I don’t understand grunts and clicks despite what you point at or act out while making them.
• Learn to drive. As a cyclist I may be a minor annoyance to you, but you are serious threats to my well-being, especially when I’m going 25 mph and you try to pass me and then cut me off to make your right turn without signalling.
• MP3 sucks, so stop acting like you enjoy your 128kbps music with your shitty iPod earplugs.
• When you give the address for me to deliver the pizza to, and it’s an apartment building with floors, please include the floor number, and room number, not just the house number and expect me to call you from the outside. I have limited phone credit and I’m poor. You should also not wait until you are on the phone with me to ask the people around you what they want on their pizza. Pizza sizes are measured by diameter, not by number of slices. Are you too fucking retarded to envision the difference between a meal that will be 14″ in diameter and 16″ in diameter? Don’t complain to me about being a little late if it’s after dark, there’s no lights on your entire street, and you don’t have a house number anywhere on your house. I shouldn’t have to get out of my car and walk up to all of your neighbors’ porches just to figure out where your dumb ass lives.
• Stop imposing unsolicited beliefs on others, and take a break from the holier than thou attitude.
• Being from the hood is not a good thing so stop fucking emulating it!
• Crocs are not cool, not at all, not in any situation and stop demanding that your whole family wear them, its bad enough being seen with you in them let alone all of you.
• We’ve all heard about Jesus before. The discussion is over, and there is nothing new to say. So, stop talking about him unless it’s in one of those Christian mutual masturbation sessions.
• Why can’t all of you people learn some fucking lane dedication. And stop fighting over one fucking spot in the merge. We’d all get to where we want to get to 1000x faster if you’d all stop being assholes about it. When you see someone driving along and they want to change lanes in front of you, DO NOT speed up and take the spot they had reserved. Traffic already moves so slow as it is, no need to do this. ESPECIALLY to service vehicles that have 3 windows and 2 dinky little mirrors. Learn to drive and share the road. If I’m going the speed limit and you want to be going faster, don’t ride my ass, just go around. The left lane is for passing only, people. It doesn’t matter that you’re already doing the speed limit; if you’re not passing someone and traffic isn’t bumper to bumper, move the fuck over and save me from having to pass you on the right.
• If the estimated delivery date is the 24th and your wedding is the 25th, pay the 8 dollars to get it there on the 17th and save us all the trouble of it possibly being late. Don’t complain about shipping rates. For an extra 8 dollars someone is driving your package from our warehouse to the airport, putting it on a damn plan and flying at several hundred miles per hour to your airport and then putting your package on a truck and delivering it to your front porch. I would really rather not wait on the phone for 30 minutes while you decide what you want to order. You should know that before you call, and while we’re on the subject have your credit card with you and know your billing information beforehand.
• Stop talking to that fucking phone in bus/subway/etc or I’ll stick it in your a$$, sideways.
• Stop wearing your fucking fake gucci sunglasses inside. I am very bored working this register and I want to stare in to your soul.
• Tell your damn kid to shut the hell up.
• When the doors are closed and locked, that means the store is closed. That doesn’t we’re open and that we’ll let you in to shop for a half hour at 10pm on a Friday if you bang incessantly on the door. Other than painkillers, baby formula/diapers and condoms, there’s a not a damn thing you could possibly need at this hour of the night… and you can get it all at 7/11 or a gas station anyway.
• This is a class that I’m paying good money to sit in and learn shit, so please shut the F up with your sorority gossip until the goddamned lecture is over.
• If you don’t have headphones with you, don’t play your shitty music out loud from your phone speaker, especially if you’re on the bus or on the subway. Don’t play music out loud on your cellphone, when you are using public transport.
• Having a handicapped hanging tag doesn’t mean you are entitled to free parking at a special event like a concert. You can’t just show up at a valet parking lot 5 minutes before the show and start demanding free up-close parking because you’re an old miserable fuck that can’t spare $10 to park at your $90 concerto. And stop saying you’re going to sue me because I know the law and I know you CAN’T win. Other things that don’t qualify you for free parking: Being Black, Being a Hot Chick, Being Broke, Being Fat, Having a Nice Car (Bentley and Rolls Royce drivers always feel important enough to pull the free-parking card). Being a passive-aggressive asshole (”Oh I’m just going to run in for 5 minutes” and then disappearing for 2 hours.)

• It’s ‘Acorn’ not ‘Egg Corn’
• It’s ‘Cashew’ not ‘Cat Shoe’
• It’s ‘Duct Tape’ not ‘Duck Tape’
• It’s ‘Heart Attack’ not ‘Hard Attack’
• It’s ‘Hone in’ not ‘Home in’
• It’s ‘For all intents and purposes’ not ‘For all intesive purposes’
• It’s ‘Laptop’ not ‘Labtop’
• It’s ‘no pain; no gain’ not ‘no pain; no game’
• It’s ‘Alzheimer’s’ not ‘Old Timers’
• It’s ‘Play it by ear’ not ‘Play it by year’
• It’s ‘Regardless’ not ‘Irregardless’
• It’s ‘Sprained’ not ‘Sprayed’
• It’s ’spur of the moment’ not ’spurt of the moment’

1. The power to access Google at all times, wirelessly, from your head.

2. The power (and joy) of having an infinite bladder

3. The power to get over colds faster — you’re still susceptable to catching a cold, but you recover slightly faster than the average human.

4. The power to walk super fast, at the pace most people run.

5. The power to jaywalk and never get caught.

6. The power to accurately estimate the quantity of liquid in a glass.

7. The power to fly, but only when inside the cabin of an airplane.

8. The power to prevent anyone from outbidding you on eBay.

9. The power to retract your hair into your head at will.

10. The power to see exactly where other people are when you’re waiting for them to turn up.

11. The hidden knowledge of the rainforest, including the unique healing powers of the forest’s plants.

12. The ability to always pull out exact change on first attempt when I’m buying something.

13. The ability to be able to see right through a fish.

14. The ability to give someone a hemorrhoid by simply snapping your fingers.

15. To power to hear the difference between Flac and V0.

16. The power to tell anyone what color underwear they’re wearing.

17. The power to travel in time but only five seconds forward every 24 hours.

18. You are beard man, and can now grow hair at will!

19. The power to ensure a peanut butter and jelly toast lands on the correct side when dropped by accident on the floor.

20. The ability to instantly evacuate your bowels whenever you’re feeling too full.

Submit your own lame super power by commenting below!